Government and Secret Service Conspiracy

Conspiracy theorists claim that new evidence is emerging that the British government and its secret services: MI5, MI6 and GCHQ all colluded together in a Top Secret operation back at the end of last year.

Various departments across the UK government had to appear to make substantial cuts in their budgets. It became apparent to those charged with oversight of the secret services that things could not go on as before in those services. As – almost – everyone knows the James Bond-esque myth of high living and dinner-jacketed casino trips with multibillionaire supervillains does not - at all – bear any resemblance the way the secret services actually operate. Their day-to-day business is more akin to endless surveillance from the disused flat above a rancid takeaway on a run down High Street. Still many politicians looking for media exposure on a select committee believed the secret services could make some substantial savings in their massive – but secret – budgets.

Therefore as a sop to the politicians and to discourage the media from finding out what they really spend the overtime budget on, the heads of the three services got to gather. They decided to see if they could give the illusion of making some economies.

In the end, there was only area they could see where they could make substantial savings. If the three secret services got together and organised – rather than three separate ones - a joint staff Christmas party. Even then, at that initial planning stage several voices were raised in opposition to the idea. Especially if any bad publicity resulted in the almost inevitable punch up in the car park between the field agents of MI5 and MI6, with the GCHQ operatives standing on the sidelines screaming at both sides to leave it.

However, as the planning became more involved, it became clear that because of the numbers involved, the only suitable place to hold the event would be on an actual brewery’s premises.

It was at this point the politicians involved themselves in organising the event. They set up several committees to oversee the arrangements, a white paper and a budget oversight committee and a substantial allocation of funds.

Inevitably, the result was utter chaos with the event going massively over budget and – in the end – costing twelve times as much as the original separate Christmas parties would have done.

After the failed cover-up which resulted in the media feeding-frenzy that followed the discovery of this colossal waste of public money, there was no alternative but to order a public inquiry.

Eventually, the public inquiry into the whole fiasco came to the only possible conclusion. That is that the UK government is incapable of organising a piss-up in a brewery - a result that came as no real surprise to anyone.