Handbag Space

For a long time now physicists have been perturbed by the missing dark matter which is supposed to make up a large percentage of the matter in the universe. The main problem being that – up until now – no-one could find any trace of this matter anywhere in the universe.

However, thanks to a recent discovery this may all have now changed.

As physicist Perturbation Electronvolt explains:

As a colleague was about to perform an experiment, she realised she was a bit short of a couple of fundamental particles. I told her not to worry as I had a few quarks in my handbag – left over from a university physics department New Year party.

It was then, when I began to root about in the bottom of my handbag that I realised just where all the dark matter of the universe was.

Not only that, I found a bag of mint imperials I hadn’t seen for almost three years. Some of them were a bit fluffy, but they were still edible.

As other physicists around the world repeated her experiment it became clear that Electronvolt had indeed stumbled on the solution to the mystery of dark matter and where it all is, as well as helping reconcile Einstein’s Theory of Special Relativity with the nature of mint imperials. This of course, has many ramifications for physics and reformulates our understanding of reality. As everyone knows, handbag space is more or less infinite, with every handbag capable of holding many times what its volume would lead us to believe. This is mainly due to the fact that each handbag is a portal to the many other dimensions – posited by string–theory – which make up our physical universe. We are not normally aware of these other dimensions, except when asked to retrieve an item from a woman’s handbag, where we discover the bag will contain almost everything, usually on top of the item we need.

Some physicists believe that once handbag space is better understood, it may be possible to explore the area further, and – finally - solve the riddle of dark matter once and for all.

That is if they can find a physicist brave enough to enter this strange new dimension.