Here we are, and I must say what a splendid morni....
Oh, hang on... what a rather dismal day it has turned out to be. Someone, somewhere is stealing our weather and replacing it with this... well, whatever it is. Of course, this being the Untied Kingdom, the weather is usually cold, damp and drizzly with a wind that seemingly comes from all directions at once, but this weather isn't good enough even for that.
Of course, this should be the cue for some sort of conspiracy theory, but – as we know – the only thing that is ever true about conspiracy theories is that the people who believe in them are... well, wrong. The human race is quite simply not competent – or organised enough – to keep up something as complex as a conspiracy before someone, somewhere, decides they can't be arsed and the whole thing tumbles to the ground in disarray and mutual recriminations.
Of course, that is exactly what they want you to think.
Do you think it is really some sort of strange co-incidence that the only people who seem to believe in conspiracy theories are sad, lonely, paranoid obsessive losers?
That is what they want you to think.
They want you to dismiss all these conspiracy theories as paranoid lunacy and to deride or pity those that keep spouting the obvious bollocks, while they get on with their real aim – their project of world domination.
The only question is: just who are they?