Fatuous Zygote is the chat show host famous for once asking a member of the royal family if he had a penis and other such infantile impertinencies towards the celebrity circuit. Yesterday, Zygote announced that, at the age of 55 years old, he is now seriously considering growing up, despite the disastrous effect it may have on his career.
‘Quite simply I’m bored shitless with asking film stars about the size of their tits, arses or their genitalia,’ Zygote said in his trademark direct manner. ‘I mean, who really gives a damn anyway. I woke up the other morning realising I don’t really give a damn about Pumpkin Dropincentre’s latest film, or whether some superannuated rock star has been wibbling on about the state of the planet to some star-struck loons at the UN, or even – god help us – if they have released yet another bloody album several decades after they wrote their last decent tune.'
The BBC has confirmed that it has no use for a mature, sensible chat show host and will – when Zygote hangs up his plastic imitation tits for the last time – replace him with a dog that can – almost – bark the Norwegian national anthem whilst bouncing on a trampoline.