Wildlife and Charity

It is not that often, these days, that one gets accosted by a young lady or gentleman wishing to ascertain one's charitable relationship with the many socially-deprived writing implements, such as pencils. However, fascinating as the subject may appear, especially to the cognoscenti, that is not exclusively the subject of today's missive.

It would also help if you could avoid catching the eye of the bull walrus over there on the chaise lounge, as it is nearly his feeding time and the mackerel are still in the freezer – not that he cares too much about them being frozen, it seems they remind him of home, but he doesn't like being interrupted whilst watching Attenborough's latest opus, at least not until the credits roll.

That is – as I'm sure you know – one of the problems in setting up one's own house as a wildlife sanctuary, especially when there is the constant threat of a territorial battles over the airing cupboard by the leopard and the timber wolf and the way the penguins keep hogging the bathroom, much to the consternation of the guillemots nesting precariously on the top corner of the shower curtain rail.

However, all the problems do pale into insignificance on those awkward social occasions, for example when the aforesaid charity worker turns up on your doorstep, insisting that it is one's moral duty to provide financial support for all the unwanted pencils currently suffering hardship in sub-Saharan Africa. It is at such times that having the tiger take up residence in the hallway really proves its worth...

...apart from the bloodstains, of course.