I suppose it all began with the ping-pong bats. She got that look in her eye and started feeling my ping-pong balls in what can only be described as an overly-sensual manner. She ran her finger along the top of the table tennis net as the tip of her tongue echoed the movement across her upper lip.
‘Have you…’ she breathed. ‘…got any mayonnaise?’
I gulped and then stepped over to the fridge. I held the jar up for her as she suggestively sauntered over to the fridge and took out a fresh bunch of celery.
‘We could,’ she said as she stroked my chest with the leafy ends of the celery. ‘have a break… know what I mean?’ She squeezed my ping-pong balls firmly in her other hand.
Putting the balls down, she gestured for me to open the jar as she broke off a stick of celery. She dunked it in the jar and then stepped even closer to me. ‘I want to lick your mayonnaise off the tip,’ she whispered, then demonstrated with the celery.
I felt my knees go weak as she ran her free hand down my body. She turned and picked up one of the table tennis bats. ‘Do you…’ she said, looking up at me from under half-closed eyes, ‘think it was very naughty of me to win the last game?’
I gulped and nodded.
‘Perhaps….’ she said, swinging the bat though the air and hitting the side of her thigh. ‘…perhaps you think I ought to be punished?’
‘Yes..’ I managed to say. ‘Yes you should be punished.’
So I took the celery and the mayonnaise off her and shut the fridge. ‘Tonight,’ I said in my sternest voice. ’Tonight there will be no Downton Abbey for you!’ Turning in triumph I strode out of the room, remembering to tuck my ping-pong balls back into my shorts as I left, congratulating myself on getting it right at last as I heard her yelp of frustration as the door closed behind me.