Overly Dexterous Manipulation

Obviously, any overly dexterous manipulation of your instrument will make any onlooker at least regard you with some suspicion, if not trepidation, as all forms of ability above and beyond the merely functional now get looked upon with something approaching disdain.

It does not do these days to be too good at something, lest others look askance upon your audacity to be talented beyond the acceptable limits of the mediocre. It makes others suspicious, for if you can be beyond average at any one thing, then there is a fear that you could be beyond average in other ways, especially ways that may turn out to be financially, or – concomitantly – sexually, beneficial to you in a way that puts you beyond the common herd.

That is not allowed, especially if you have – up until your secret was discovered – been masquerading as an ordinary individual – and if you can lie to those around you by having a hidden talent – then what else could you also be lying about? Perhaps you are not even human, which – considering the usual crowds you hang around with – would not be that remarkable as most of them seem to have been given up on by evolution not long after their ancestors accidentally fell out of the trees.

Anyway, where was I?

Ah, yes…. To put it another way: Perhaps – after all - the bagpipes are not really your ideal instrument, certainly not when attempting to play them in what – until now – has been rather an unconventional manner, even when – as you point out – the kilt does aid your rather… unorthodox – and to my mind, rather unsanitary - technique.