Once upon a time there were another three bears: Daddy Bear, Mommy Bear and Mommy’s Special Friend Bear. Mommy’s Special Friend Bear used to come around to Daddy Bear and Mommy Bear’s den when he knew Daddy Bear was out, usually meeting with other activist bears down at the forest Drop-In Centre where they would organise campaigns about the prejudicial stereotyping of bears and what they got up to in the woods.
Meanwhile, Mommy Bear and Mommy’s Special Friend Bear were busy doing other things in the woods that were fair more sanitary than the things bears are usually presumed to do in the woods, although by the end of it they both usually need to use some soft tissue to wipe themselves down.
However, little did they know that one day their woodland-based activities would come to an abrupt end when, early one morning, Mommy Bear and Mommy’s Special Friend Bear were caught red-pawed by Daddy Bear and his activist friends as they led a protest march through the glade where Mommy Bear and Mommy’s Special Friend Bear were engaged in an activity - involving bondage gear and paw-cuffs - not usually associated with bears, not least outside David Attenborough’s private ursine DVD collection, anyway.
Anyway, as with all these stories they all lived happily ever after, but that was only because Daddy Bear had already, by then, met another Daddy Bear in the activist meetings who liked to do those other things bears do in the woods, but with other Daddy Bears instead of Mommy Bears, which – to Daddy Bear’s surprise, Mommy Bear said she’d always had her suspicions about. She had, she growled, some years ago come to the conclusion that Daddy Bear would be happier in the company of other Daddy Bears, anyway.
So, that was that, even though the protest march never got any publicity for the Bear’s Rights cause, because - as we know – journalists never go down to the woods, not even to cover the Teddy Bear’s Picnic, which is surprising as it is a far more adult affair than we have – up until now – been led to believe.