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Friday, September 23, 2011

The Official God-Bothering Hat

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We all know – I'm sure – the correct way to apply an undercoat of paint to any nearby recumbent clerical gentleman without causing undue distress to his vestments. However, with the increasing number of women of the female persuasion entering into religious office, there is now the added difficulty of finding a paintbrush of the correct size to deal with the more exacting female figure, even if it is hidden in clerical garb, especially when on more formal ceremonial occasions the aforesaid clerical personage may be wearing an official God-Bothering hat.

Of course wearing a God-Bothering hat goes way back beyond the current crop of religions and – therefore - back beyond the current crop of gods were invented. Most historians and archaeologists probably therefore presume that the official tribal god-botherers would have felt the need to signify to the rest of the tribe that some sort of official god-bothering ceremony was taking place, and - as with most human special formal occasions – they decided that the best way to do this was to wear a hat.

Even in this age of advancement and wonders in which we live many formal occasions still require the wearing of a hat. The British queen for example has to lob on one of her crowns when doing those ceremonies those that surround her regard as important, people still tend to wear hats at other such great personal ceremonial occasions too, such as at weddings, playing cricket and doing sexual intercourse properly. Therefore it is obvious to see what - in the days when people thought religions mattered – it was deemed proper for all official god-botherers, especially the god-botherer-in-chief to wear a special hat in order to signify that he was bothering whatever god it was in an official capacity, and therefore no-one in the congregation was to giggle at his absurd headgear.

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