Obviously, there are slightly more watermelons here than otherwise would be the case. However, as we all know today is National Watermelon Day, a day set aside throughout the length and (most of) the Breadth* of the UK for full and frank perusal of the watermelon, especially in relation to its use as a device for enhancing sensual pleasure through the – now common - practice of All-Nude Watermelon Bowling. This is the recently-created sport where naked seven a-side mixed teams use watermelons to knock down the skittles in a typical pub skittle alley.
Under the last Laborg government, it was felt that the government should do something to halt the decline in the numbers of people going to the pub, and invited people to come up with ideas that would make people want to go back to frequenting their local. Consequently, apart from those too considered by the judging committee to be too rude or too violent or both, this turned out to be the winner.
Although, not without its critics, all-nude watermelon bowling has proved to be a success with both players and spectators alike, with the national league and cup set up by the current coalition government sometimes having as many as three or four teams from each individual pub signed up to the scheme, all eager to take part.
National Watermelon Day is – of course – the day of the grand final of the All-Nude Watermelon Bowling (ANWB) Cup at Wembley Stadium this evening at 7:30 with an estimated global TV audience numbering in the billions. Several thousand of whom will no doubt be sitting there naked with their own favourite watermelon clutched to their lap on this very special day.
*Certain sections of the Kent cost are excluded from National Watermelon Day, for reasons connected with the Napoleonic wars.