Those may very well be the very knees you have so successfully used to enable a German parakeet to become the world’s most famous TV detective, but that doesn’t mean that we will be forced to immerse our heads in large buckets of chicken chow mein this Whitsun bank holiday Monday.
Even though several of our most eminent scientists have stated that there is growing evidence that the increasing number of German parakeets on our TV screens is almost total proof that the change in global temperatures has been caused by an almost 200% increase in the number of people who think shorts are a very good idea. However, it still doesn’t mean that we are immune to the brain-destroying scourge that is daytime TV, even if we do take the precaution of wearing a hat.
Now you may think this means that it is safe to be seen out on the streets of this great nation once more without first taking the precaution of carrying a tin of peach slices at all times. Unfortunately, this is not necessarily true as footage of the recent Royal Wedding so clearly shows, at least when viewed whilst wearing the necessary protective headgear and clutching a tin of peach slices.