Even if we both hold our tambourines in the officially-sanctioned most efficacious manner approved by the dread Health and Safety borgs there is still no guarantee that either of us will suffer some tambourine-related injury, or, even – perhaps during some vigorous agitation of the aforesaid device – an actually fatality.
For it should be obvious, except to the most rule-bound and rule-obsessed, that procedures, rules and even the almighty legislation are no proof against mishap. For even as the last ignoble and meddlingly mendacious Labour government of all our nightmares discovered to – we feel – its absolute aghast shock – that making something illegal does not stop it happening.
This does seem to come as rather a stunning revelation to those who would give us rules for living, right down to the most niggardly and inconsequential. The sort of personage - we would not be too surprised to hear - who would wish to introduce government legislation on the correct way for us to put on our underwear first thing in the morning.
A set of formal rules and regulations to ensure that our donning of such apparel does not conflict with the latest EU directive on underwear, whilst at the same time significantly reducing our underwear-wearing carbon footprint and not conflicting with any culturally-diverse manners of underwear wearing. Such legislation would also make illegal – with threat of imprisonment – any gender-stereotyping of underwear in any form whatsoever by making men wear bras, panties and stockings (or tights) and women to wear y-fronts, a string vest and socks with holes in the toe and heel for at least 3 days in every week.
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