It was reported yesterday that TV personality and journalist Jeremy Clarkson, presenter of the BBC Programme Top Gear has once again caused outrage amongst certain members of the UK population.
A environmentalist, Naif Fairydustings, complained vociferously, saying:
It is an absolute outrage that Jeremy Clarkson has not said a single thing for several weeks that I can find deeply upsetting, and an insult to the environment and all of us who work tirelessly to find evidence that panders to our deeply-felt prejudices against the human race and its insidious effect on the planet. After all, it is a human race that this odious Clarkson is on record as being a member of, apparently without feeling even the slightest bit of guilt or liberal self-loathing. It is an utter outrage the way he blatantly disregards my right to be deeply offended by something he says or does, and I insist he issues an immediate apology for not being sufficiently offensive towards me and all I hold dear.
Several lorry drivers, left wing politicians, feminists and many others who were quietly confident that Jeremy Clarkson would say something they could find offensive also expressed their outrage that Mr Clarkson had not said anything to outrage their delicate sensibilities. ‘It’s just not fair,’ said one unnamed Labour Prime Minister. ‘The only time I ever get any good press is when someone like Clarkson makes mock of my disabilities. I wanted to time the next election for right after he said something inconsiderate about me, but so far he hasn’t sad anything I can pretend to be shocked by.’
A senior official at the BBC also expressed her concern:
It is a fundamental human right of those who take themselves far too seriously to find themselves often personally offended by the utterances of those in the public eye. Consequently, we set up a special Jeremy Clarkson compliance unit here at the BBC with twenty-seven senior managers all on some of our most generous managerial salaries (plus full expenses). They have been charged solely with examining every single utterance make by Mr Clarkson for any possible offence it could cause to anyone at all, whatever their sexuality, race, lorry driving orientation, political views or regional accent. This special compliance team are all ready – at a movement’s notice to work their hardest to distance the BBC from any involvement with Mr Clarkson, and denying the BBC has anything to do with whatever it was he said.
Meanwhile we have a special management team working overtime trying to discover what it is about a person with no liberal guilt, or no instinctive love of political correct self-censorship, or any desperate need to display his left-wing luvvy sensibilities to all and sundry, or who always seem to prefer honesty to posturing, that makes him so very popular with our viewers and listeners.
Mr Clarkson was unavailable for comment at the time of going to press.